Ask the Past

How to Recognize a Werewolf, c. 1340

2021-10-20T23:00:00-04:00

Lycanthropy is a kind of melancholy making the affected persons wander at night-time, visiting the tombs and the deserts like wolves, and come back in the morning as their human figure and stay at home. In any case, they have ulcerated legs and feet because of falls on stones and thorns; they have dry eyes and tongue and feeble vision… Some patients avoid speaking and remain silent and sad while others try to converse with people.

Johannes Actuarius, Therapeutike Methodos

Werewolf diagnosis is tricky! Look for dry eyes, dry mouth, and [checks notes] ah yes, visiting tombs at night and returning in human form in the morning.

How to Behave in Public, 1663

2021-05-16T23:00:00-04:00

Cesare Negri, Nuove Inventioni di Ballo

It is a point of cleanliness, and of wholsomness, to wash ones hands and face as soon as one is up, and to comb ones head in time and season, yet not too curiously.

Wear not thy clothes foul, unsewed, dusty, nor old; look that they be brushed commonly once a day.

Carry not thy Cloke under thine arm like a Braggadoche.

Run not in the street, also go not too slowly, nor with thy mouth open. Move not to and fro in walking, go not like a Ninny, nor hang thy hands downwards…

It is an uncivil thing to stretch out thine arms at length, and writhe them hither and thither.

Excerpts from Youths behaviour, or, Decency in conversation amongst men

Getting ready for your triumphant return to leaving the house? Comb your head, remember not to writhe your arms around, and you’ll be impersonating a human in no time.

How to Cure Lethargy, 1655

2021-03-15T23:00:00-04:00

Baccio del Bianco, Allegory of Medicine, 17th c.

In direct opposition to a Frenzie, is the Disease called a Lethargie; which causeth sluggishnesse, and an inexpugnable desire to sleep.

It is caused of Flegm, which cooleth the Brain overmuch, and moistneth it, and thereby provoketh sleep… sometimes they will open their eyes, if you cry aloud to them, but they instantly shut them again…

You may burn Brimstone under his Nose, or assa foetida to awake him… also you may safely put a whole spoonfull of Mustard into his mouth at once.

You may shave off his Hair, and keep his head alwayes moistned with Vinegar of Roses: also it is excellent to let it drop down from some high place upon the crown of his Head.

Provoke him often to sneeze with white Hellebore.

Nicholas Culpeper, Culpeper’s Last Legacy

Self-care is all well and good. But if your brain phlegm gets really bad, it’s time for a little self-hazing.

How to Avoid the Plague, c. 1350

2020-12-02T22:00:00-05:00

British Library, MS Egerton 2572, f. 51r

First we should talk about the epidemic, and then about keeping safe from it and the corruption of the surrounding air… You should know that all corruptions of air come from celestial causes. You should also know that in the year 1345 there was a conjunction of three planets, that is, Saturn, Jupiter, and Mars, in Aquarius… and this drew vapors from the earth and the water, corrupting the air.

Be sure to keep yourself from contact with those who are ill from the epidemic, because the disease is contagious and it infects those present merely by their breathing, or their extended presence.

Causa epidemiae et praeservatio eiusdem

Corrupt vapors! That’s concerning. Well, good thing the next big Jupiter-Saturn conjunction isn’t coming up until *checks astronomical chart* oh. December 21, 2020.

Breathe carefully, everyone.

The Past Asks You: Citrus Harvest, 1307

2020-05-11T23:00:00-04:00

Tacuinum Sanitatis

The Past has questions as well as answers. Here’s one that’s been confusing people since the Middle Ages:

I go to a garden, and I come to the foot of an orange tree. I take one fruit. And then I take one-tenth of the remaining fruits. Then another person arrives after me, and takes two fruits, and again one-tenth of the remaining fruits. Then another person arrives and takes three, and again one-tenth of the remainder. Then another person, who takes four, and one-tenth of the remainder. And thus many people arrive. Then the person who comes last, that is, at the end, collects all the rest. And this person doesn’t find either more or less than the others got. And everyone gathers the same amount of fruit. And as many people as there were, that many fruits each person had. I want to know how many people there were, and how many fruits each one collected, and how many fruits there were in total.

Jacopo da Firenze, Tractatus algorismi

Medieval agricultural practices: more complicated than you imagined. Good luck!

How to Stay Healthy in September, c. 1300

2020-05-11T23:00:00-04:00

British Library, MS Sloane 2435

Here we should talk about September, which is a useful and healthy month: then all things are healthy for humans to eat and drink, because fruits are ripe and ready to eat and healthy. And it is advisable to perform bloodletting, because then the air is cooler and is known to be healthier. And it is also fine to drink mead, because then the honey has its full strength, so the mead has better intensity, which is undeniable.

Alexander Hispanus, Regimen duodecim mensium

Finally, some good news from September: the food is good, the bloodletting is satisfactory, and the mead is potent.

How to Avoid the Plague, 1550

2020-04-30T23:00:00-04:00

Ortus Sanitatis, 1494

But it is good in all tymes, to beare about you preciouse stones, (yf ye have them) speciallye a iacincte, a rubie, a garnet, an emeralde, or a saphyre, whiche hath a special vertue agaynst the pestilence, & they be the stronger, yf they be borne upon youre naked skinne, chieflye upon the fourth finger of the left hande, for that hath greate affinitie with the hert above other membres.

The Regiment of Lyfe, Whereunto is Added a Treatise of the Pestilence

Your epidemic shopping list: hand sanitizer, toilet paper, allll the jewels.

How to Cure Melancholy, 1587

2020-04-15T23:00:00-04:00

Of the Passion of the Splene… This impediment doth come by thought, anger or care, or sorow, of imprisonment, of feare & dread, and for lacke of meate and drinke. Also it may come of great solitudenes… The chiefest remedy for this matter is to use honest & mery company & to be iocund & not to muse upon no matter, but to leave of at pleasure, and not to study upon any supernatural thinges, specially those things ye reason can not comprehend, nor use not to leane or stoupe downe to write or rede, & beware of slepe in the after none… Melancoly-meates, hard cheese, and feare is not good for the splene, and if any man be spleniticke let him… dry the lungs of a Foxe, make pouder and eate it with figges.

Andrew Boorde, The Breviarie of Health

Finally, a therapist who understands the causes of your melancholy. The fear, the isolation, the Costco pack of Melancholy Meat you bought…

How to Dye Your Hair Black, 1650

2020-03-31T00:00:00-04:00

How to make Red, or Gray haire, black. Take twenty or thirty Horseleaches, or as many as you can get, and put them to steep and rot in a violl with half a pint or a little more of course Red wine for two moneths together, which done, anoint and combe your haire often therewith before the Sun, and they will soon become browne at the least if not quite black.

A Brief Collection of Many Rare Secrets

Are you a natural brunette or are you using rotten leech pomade? No one needs to find out.

How to Avoid the Plague, 1630

2020-03-16T01:00:00-04:00

There be some, who thinke it a great preservative against the pestilent Aire to keepe a Goat in their houses, because the capacitie of the Houses filled with the strong sent which the Goat sends forth, prohibits the entrance of the venemous Aire… All publike and great meetings and assemblyes must be shunned.

A Treatise of the Plague

Having trouble with social distancing? Just put a rank goat in your house and I promise people will keep their distance.