How to Walk on Water, 1649

woodcut of man demonstrating technique with timbrels on water

How to walke on the Water. For to doe this, take two little Timbrels, and binde them under the soles of thy feete, and at a staves end fasten another; and with these you may walke on the water, unto the wonder of all such as shall see the same: if so be you often exercise the same with a certaine boldnesse and lightnesse of the body.

Thomas Hill, Naturall and Artificiall Conclusions

Good news: all it takes to walk on water is a couple of tambourines and a quick step! I’m off to practice this unto the wonder of all such as shall be swimming laps at the gym.