How to Give Up Wine, 1658

A Warning-piece to All Drunkards (1682), Wellcome Library, London

There are many who when they have drank much Wine, that is the worst thing in the world for them, fall sick, and die of it. Now if you would refrain, and abhor Wine and strong drink… let three or four live eels, put into the Wine, stay there till they die. Let one drink of this Wine, who is given to drunkenness, and he will loath Wine, and always hate it, and will never drink it again: or if he do, he will drink but little, and with much sobriety. Another way: wash a Tortois with Wine a good while, and give one of that wine to drink privately, half a cup full every morning for three days, and you shall see a wonderful vertue.

Giambattista della Porta, Natural Magick

The sommelier recommends: a full-bodied red wine with notes of tortoise grime and a lingering aftertaste of eel death.