How to Impress Girls at a Dance, 1530

engraving of man flanked by women preparing to dance Fabritio Caroso, Il Ballarino (1581)

Furthermore never fart when you are dancing; grit your teeth and compel your arse to hold back the fart… Do not have a dripping nose and do not dribble at the mouth. No woman desires a man with rabies. And refrain from spitting before the maidens, because that makes one sick and even revolts the stomach. If you spit or blow your nose or sneeze, remember to turn your head away after the spasm; and remember not to wipe your nose with your fingers; do it properly with a white handkerchief. Do not eat either leeks or onions because they leave an unpleasant odour in the mouth.

Antonius Arena, Leges dansandi (trans. John Guthrie and Marino Zorzi)

That Antonius Arena. He really understands the enigmatic desires of womankind not to dance with a leeky, slobbering fart-monster.