How to Slim Down, 12th century

Look like this guy in no time!
BL Royal 6 E VI, f. 179

If, however, the woman is fat and seemingly dropsical, let us mix cow dung with very good wine and with such a mixture we afterward anoint her. Then let her enter a steambath up to the neck, which steambath should be very hot from a fire made of elder [wood], and in it, while she is covered, let her emit a lot of sweat… We also treat fat men in another way. We make for them a grave next to the shore of the sea in the sand, and in the described manner you will anoint them, and when the heat is very great we place them halfway into the grave, halfway covered with hot sand poured over. And there we make them sweat very much. And afterward we wash them very well with the water of the previous bath.

The Trotula (trans. Monica H. Green)

You’re planning a trip to the seashore, but you’re feeling a bit dropsical. No problem: this manure wrap will help you achieve your beach body in no time. And if that isn’t enough, you can always bury yourself in the sand.