How to Cure Laryngitis, 1579
Laye a thynne peece of rawe Beefe, to the forehead of them that have lost theyr voyce, and let it lye thereto all nyght unremoved: and it wyll helpe them presently, or at the least within three or fowre severall applications.
Thomas Lupton, A Thousand Notable Things
After three or four applications the patient will not only be speaking, but also screaming at you to stop plastering him with raw beef.
Doesn't laryngitis tend to go away in three or fowre nyghts all by itself anyway? This seems like a manufacture of the beef industry.
Also, I can't sleep. Because the cat keeps licking my neck.